Take me back to 2006

I received a series of emails today, from a counterpart asking for a review. One thing that sets this apart from my usual documents is that it's technical drawings. More specifically, risk assessment drawings.. whereby i'm supposed to identify whether the concept was designed right, based on the drawings.

I was stumped, and yes, i freaked out. This is straight up electrical engineering stuff, of which i have no way of knowing, let alone can certify or concur with the drawings at all.

I told my husband how scared i am. And then few thoughts came to my mind at once:

From my first job, i was always given different things as compared to my degree. I spent two years after 6 months fresh out of university, during automotive project management --- learning bill of material, basic metal assembly (spot gun and stuff), quality management, metal manufacturing (from design), and costing.

Then i joined this industry, where again, i was offered a post in yet another different scope: production planning. I spent two years again, learning about idle well reactivation, business performance planning, CAPEX..

My third posting in this current company, i finally got the chance to practice my degree. But then it was kinda late and my knowledge became rusty. Still, it was much easier this time around.

One thing led to another, and i seem to no longer look at only Environment angle. I remembered enthusiastically nodding to my colleagues (they're established mechanical and electrical engineers, mind you) that i'd be glad to join this project.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

It seems i am always learning on the job. OK, to be fair i know most of us too. I'm not that special then, fine. But this is totally engineering stuff, guys. I am looking at technical standards and smacking myself. I would hate if i screw up or say stupid things, you know?

But as husband said, university is only a ticket to getting a job. It reminded me of my former boss's words back in 2006:

A baby only knows how to cry in asking for things. The rest can be taught.

*psyching myself*

i can totally do this!!

A whale made me cry

So i was torn between In the Heart of Sea or Point Break. In fact even when i was in front of the ticket vending machine i was still contemplating. Obviously the former was my choice, and i have to say, i did not regret it. I only feel i want to see the latter as well... but let's not get too greedy.

There were only 2 reasons for Heart of Sea: Cillian Murphy and Chris Hemsworth.. I know i know, aesthetic only plays up so much. But i actually fell asleep during the first Thor movie, so i can't be pegged as his fan. I am, however curious on how he'll act in this one. As for Cillian, haa, i haven't seen anything with him in it, that i did not like. His eyes! 

Coming to the subject, i hadn't expected to rack my brains throughout the movie. But i did. It made the movie a different experience than say, Agent 47 (ok unfair comparison). There were two scenes that tugged at my heartstrings...

1. When the remaining crew returned to Nantucket shores, and Chase reunites with his wife and daughter.

I shed a tear, okay. The obvious reason was that i imagined that's how i will react come next week insya Allah. Distance does wonders for a marriage, for sure. But it's taxing.

2. "We're in the oil business"

There were few girls exhaling loudly, and i heard quiet chatter in the vicinity. With the predicament we're all in now.. everyone's either scared of the uncertainty or just paddling to stay calm.

Oh, while i can easily rate this one 7/10, i'd also rate the same for squeamish factor. Man, do not go if you just had sushi. That's all i'm saying.

All in all, i had fun!

Picnic and a bike ride

I am currently in KK for work purpose. KK has been home to me 12 years ago, for 3 years, so it's always always a pleasure to come back here. Back then i had never entertained the idea of working here..maybe the broke student element in me couldn't look past degree life haha.

Anyhow, the work site i am currently visiting is situated around 45 minutes from my hotel. Seeing that sun rises early in this part of Malaysia, and the morning meeting starts at 7.30 am..we had to push off at 6.15 am. This concerns me because i'm a breakfast person. A huge breakfast person. I would not forgo breakfast until it's something terribly urgent.. and even that i mostly will find a way to sneak in some bites before any huge meeting.I firmly believe breakfast sets the right tone for the day, so i figured out i need an early room service.

Turns out, this hotel packs breakfast for early bees like i am. AWESOME. OK maybe it's the same with other hotels (that i somehow couldn't figure it out), but knowing this brightened my morning. 

So around 6.00 am a staff sent a bag, of which i pictured a paper bag. Oh well, even better cos i get to keep it :D The packed breakfast comprises of fruits (apple and pear), an orange juice, pastry (danish, croissants) and sandwiches. Oh, and one bar of Kitkat. 

I enjoyed the pack throughout the journey, and kept the sandwiches for post morning meeting. Delicious i tell ya.

Once we got to the site, the excitement to join the first meeting was kinda off the charts so we head to the control room sans helmet. Sigh. Had to turn back obviously. 

As the day progresses, we had some ideas what to look for. The weather was beautiful, clouds and blue sky so it was just nice to roam the area. But come lunch time, i seriously couldn't take the heat and long walk. Considering the area we'll cover are huge (it was not meant to be a long walk anyway) i begin to wonder if we could borrow some bikes.

Yes, every personnel there rides a bicycle. It's kinda cute but same time a practical and sensible thing to do. There are pickups as well, but i don't think we're that privileged and worthy of haha.

We asked around and yes, found the bikes. Apa lagi, memang suka lah :D last time i rode one was..15 years ago maybe. So i felt like a big kid, decked in yellow coveralls, safety boots and helmet and smiling under the hot sun. I practically smiled at every technician and contractor i passed whether they're in the process area or on a bike.

It's one of the nicest memories i have here, that's for sure. I wish i can take a picture and post it up, but it is one serious violation due to safety. Until it becomes a memory, i shall enjoy rest of the trip doing that :)

Bigger picture

About 14 months ago, I initiated a career plan. It was done after series of discussions with my husband and those long daily commute. The plan was quite simple really, ....uproot my little family (and I) to one of the regional facilities.

Fast forward to 6 months later.. i found out my request was denied at the very last minute, and much to the receiving party's dismay. It was in February this year, my birthday to be exact. 

Of course i took it badly. 

..but not in the flip-tables-and-fingers kinda way. I excused myself early that day, went home in daze and hurt. Shortly, rumors saying i was crying and throwing a tantrum flew around.

Whoever started that rumor, may Allah forgive you for the intent of defaming my character.

It took me a month to get over it.. i mean, life has to go on right? I had my platter full with tasks - either by choice or not, i was grateful for the "distraction". I also started fun fridays, which i'm not gonna disclose here. But i can assure, it doesn't involve alcohol/drugs/gambling. Ha.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, early October. I was sent to Miri for a few days. This happened few days after my technical assessment. As expected i wasn't too happy of the outcome. But what can i do, besides throwing a straight-line-lip movement? 

On that Miri trip, i worked with a manager who patiently listened to my woes. I tried as much to appear emotionless, i think. oh, before that.. right after my technical assessment, i suddenly decided to challenge my assessor.

I asked him if he could do something to change my current skill level.

He did, the very next day. I was too shocked to found out he's booked me a seat to Bintulu! Which happened to be on the same week of this Miri trip.

Ok, back to that manager...

He told me few things that somehow put me back in perspective. Of my career plan.

1. Which one should come first, business needs or your needs? I am so glad i didn't say my needs is what the business needs too. 

2. If it's meant to be yours, it will be. But it will happen on His will. I was confused whether he meant the transfer, or the technical gaps. 

3. Believe that something greater will come out of this. Now, i am not cynical. It just didn't occur to me until much later.

We spent our free time in between work, to discuss this. Then it hit me suddenly...

• maybe this guy is giving the answers i need.
• maybe this guy's words are that something greater.. 
• maybe if i didn't go to this trip, i wouldn't know or see from a different angle

He changed my outlook on this plan. 

Ok, back to the Bintulu trip. I worked with a senior manager this time. Similarly, it wasn't long before he could sense i need help.

And the next thing i know? Insya Allah i am visiting Kimanis next week.

Ya Allah, to think it all started with an assessor...and a manager on one project that i was so confused about. The case of Allah is the best Planner hammers straight to my soul.

Can you imagine from one guy it has now escalated to this commitment? I am so thankful alhamdulillah. I hope Allah rewards these guys for providing opportunity to someone they barely know. 

Ok then, time to sleep!!

Back to white

Few weeks ago, i decided i hate looking at my fat and wanted to do something about it. But the thing about balancing work and life is, it's never routine. For me at least. I used to be stressed up if i don't get my weekend plans in order. Nowadays i just take each Saturday at a time.

This also has a lot to do with where i am during the weekdays. Say, if i'm travelling, i'd definitely prefer to have a stay-in weekend. Even delaying grocery shopping til i absolutely can't. Obviously it has everything to do with spending time with Raihanna. More so as husband is currently away.

So when can i ever schedule a gym session? 

I ask myself that question every single day and hated myself for not being able to make time for it. So i came up with few ideas:

a. Enrol in a martial arts class

I know i can do this, cos i'd done it years ago!

b. Weekdays lunch time - gym!

Today would be my first since, well, i can't remember.. months ago? That bad :(

Speaking of (a), i bumped into an instructor in the building i live in. He has just finished a class with school kids, so, perfect, i thought to myself. We chatted a bit, and i definitely feel i am up for it. Until he said

"you might wanna attend trial class"

me: Umm, i'm very familiar with all the moves, like i told you

him: Yes.. but you know, kids' energy level ...differs from ours.

me: *confidence shrinks*

Anyway, the nearest date of that class would be 1st November. Needless to say, i'll be starting fresh from white belt. I absolutely have no problems with that :D

One thing though.. i might be travelling that day.

20 months

My daughter has grown so much, so quick these days. In 3 months time, insya Allah, she will turn 2. TWO! (why am i still carrying 10 kgs extra though?)

Ever since she started walking, our routine has became a bit relaxed. I mean, we now can take her to hang washed clothes (as opposed to sneaking off when she's deep asleep), our hands (and muscles) generally get some free time (compared to carrying her).. But certain safety measures still withstand (bathroom doors are closed all the time, no leaving her in her tub).

She enjoys her walks, even gets to pick which shoes she'd like to wear for the day. We have yet to take her to park and let her roam.. soon i suppose.

She has become a bit vocal too, and it's such a delight to see her pronounce "ayam" and "tak" so clearly. These two are recent additions. Other than that, i solely blame phone apps (those baby flash cards) for her pronunciation of "arr-range" (that would be orange) and "air-pearl" (apple). 

Her growing phase also include unnecessary throwing objects and fake tears :D i hope we can try the reason-out exercise soon, before other parents think we're spoiling her. I notice these actions are usually when she demands attention and protests for things we want her to do (but she resists).

I have been really worried she hasn't started eating like all her similar age friends do. You know, munching pieces of chicken/fish, slurping soups, chewing pasta strands.. but after one conversation with a close friend, i decided to put it to rest. As of now, she eats:

• fruits (watermelon, banana, apple, grapes, peaches)
• porridge + pasta (with carrot/broccoli, fish/chicken)
• biscuits (digestives are her favs!.. cheese bangkit and Oat Krunch)
• yogurt
• bread (with ONLY peanut butter choc spread.. no jams please)
• maruku, papadom

And now that i think of it, most of it are healthy.. so i shouldn't be complaining anymore. I suppose. She grows leaner, but on the whole her immunity is quite strong so alhamdulillah for that!

I am still fully breastfeeding her thankfully. She drinks chocolate milk to quench her thirst (and additional calcium source) but not to sleep. I shudder to think what happens when she turns two, but let's cross the bridge when we come to it right? I have woken up screaming cos she bites sometimes..urgh

She's imitating our actions a lot, especially during solat and laundry times. I'm quite pleased she understands the concept of solat and i hope i can teach her more later.

We don't know whether we'll throw her a party this year because her dad would be away :( maybe just a cake for me? 

...and i'm extra grateful she's sleeping longer now. Hence the long post on Saturday morning. Ok, let's fry some rice!!

What goes around

In my 6 years so far working here, I've learnt that:
a. Do not ever do wrong to other colleagues. 

Desperation and pressure to be seen or deemed the best has brought the worst in people. I have witnessed, heard and read friends or friends of friends be victimized by office politics. They usually thrives and moves on, but time and time again these jokers' reputation will be known to many.

I have been in too many situations where i could be evil. But i firmly believe there is more to life than being acknowledged for things you did not do / stepping on other's path. There is family, hobby (gym / spa/ vacation) and foremostly, God.

I have also been accused of things i did not do, but i turned deaf. I believe if people are really interested to know me, they'll ask. Time and time again truth will prevail, with or without me explaining. 

b. Keep a/few tight circle of good willed people

I have been fortunate i am still friends with the first batch of people i meet in 2009. They are very very experienced and humble... how lucky am i? We are talking years in operation, technically sound, yet they do not gloat. They are funny, dependable, wise and generous.

It just is icing on the cake when these people are also interconnected with people i met when i moved department and switched disciplines. See how big yet small we are? That's why rule no.1 applies. 

I think as we get older, our value defines us greatly. While there are some features i believe i can learn from our surroundings / colleagues, i firmly believe one thing that i should always remember is never forget i'm here to work. To earn a living. Not to trump anyone in order to be successful.

One thing i see all these people have in common is they are all materialistic. Sadly.

Of deeds

Story #1

As we finished our grocery shopping, it was around 8.00 pm. Husband told me to perform my prayers while he loads the stuff inside the car. The plan was, afterwards he'd go solat while i buy takeaway dinner.

Around 8.22pm i noticed few missed calls and messages. Turns out it was from husband, saying

"the keys are in your handbag"

i rushed 7 floors up so he could catch the short window time frame before Isya' starts. And soon after went back to mall to buy dinner. Was feeling smug and told my husband next time we need to solat first.

(there is some truth to it, kan)

Soon as we reach our car, we found out the beras kampit had teared and about quarter of it had spilled to the car floor.

Spoke too soon? Forgot to pay fidyah?

Story #2

I had prepared some duit Raya to be given to all my aunts and uncles, mom's side. It would be my first time doing so (to all, i mean) so i was excited like it's a top secret. 

It is, because who'd advertised such things like that, right?

Just as we reached Kota Tinggi, my aunt's home, i found out i left ALL THE PACKETS at home. Yes, Shah Alam. 

Only brought empty envelopes, and only had 100 ringgit in my purse. Nearest ATM is like, 50 kms away. Oh, and envelopes for kids. Can't foresee giving that much to them.

 I gave whatever i had in my purse, and prayed there would be rezeki for my other aunts. Alhamdulillah, as we travelled to Nusajaya, we stopped for groceries in Jusco Taman Bukit Indah, and found ATM.

So yeah, we met up again at another aunt's house, so alhamdulillah.

Formula 1

So in the previous post i mentioned trying out formula for my daughter. I had to attend an office activity for that weekend, and i (like every other cukup-cukup makan mommy) feared the stock wouldn't be enough.

I just have to say that this cukup-cukup situation occurred since last 2 months i think.. before that it was always more than enough. Alhamdulillah. Considering she's eating solids and at her age, i do not think it was ever a cause of concern. 

But like other mommies, i do try most booster, i think since she hit 6 months. Coincidentally that time was went my trusted Freestyle was snatched. I have tried Horlicks, dates, red dates-and-rock-sugar tea, lactation chocolates and drinks, oats, Starbucks, avocados, Chatime, Shaklee.. oh boy. But of course, at the end of the day, stock was still more than enough.

So since last two months, i've been trying to build up stocks, but i guess it gets harder due to time constraint, be it office or home. And i've been struggling to wake up in the wee hours.. it does take a toll on me. And finally, the element of lesser will rounds up the reasons why production just went south.

So off we went, last weekend in search of formula. I was just fortunate to came across a sales person of a brand. I told her the situation and she was kind enough to give me some samples.

At the same time i was trying out lactation cookies i just bought, so you could say i went all out. Who wouldn't, really... right? 

One day last week we tried on her. Well, the nanny did. 

And it failed. The effort failed. Raihanna refused after two suckles, and what's surprising, even rejected my milk. HAHA. She thought it was another attempt, so she shut her lips tightly.

Can just picture her frowns...

Until nanny let few drops touch her lips, only she opened her mouth. :') Of course nanny was concerned, but i was smiling inside. 

Deep down i know, it means whatever stock i have in that freezer section, Allah has intended it will be enough for her. And yes, alhamdulillah, it was. For now, we're saying good bye to that attempt. Let her wean off by her choice. 

Places I've Pumped

Been thinking to write this for months, but never got around to it. It has been 1 year, 6 months of breastfeeding, and 1 year and 5 months since i started pumping.

Today will also mark first day of trying out formula, ever since Raihanna was born. But not talking bout that today :D

Alhamdulillah, our journey has been amazing and I'm so thankful each day i get to nurse her, no matter how much / little i get. I have been away for work and leisure purposes, and each time i do my very best to pump on time. Let's recap all places i've been with my trusty pump(s):

1. Grand Dorsett Labuan 

Major props to their staff (male mostly) for coming up to my room and keeping the ice packs and milks properly frozen. I was there for 4 days, one of the days happened to be on my daughter's first birthday. I remember pumping middle of the night and wondering if the minibar would store it nicely, before sun rises and i can send the milk to the hotel's freezer. I made late night calls to the reception counter, and they were so accommodating!

2. Maya Hotel 

Was there for technical trainings, workshop and meeting. In one of these occasions, one of the senior staff offered to set up a room just beside the function room, so i could pump easily. I was just fine with surau, but the guy was understanding. 

When i first tried out pumping at their basement surau, i was kinda mortified because it was deserted and located in parking area. You can only sit still for 5 seconds before movie scenes where kidnappers rolling out of cars flashed out right in front of your eyes..

Then i was informed they turned one room to a surau and this seems better. Oh wow, that really means i have pumped at three different places in Maya!

3. Istana Hotel 

Was there for technical training, around 3 days if i remember correctly. Went to their surau, fortunately not in the basement level. Phew.

4. KL Convention Centre 

Was there for meetings, when i don't have enough time to run to office next door. The surau is wonderful, and i discovered we can request to store the ice packs and bottles (in a cooler bag, of course) at their reception counter, Level 4. 

5. 3rd Party Contractor office, Labuan

ok, this is one time i felt really uncomfortable pumping. This office had no proper praying place, they gave me a room which was filled with equipment and chairs, and no proper ventilation. For the business they're in, i expect more from them.

6. On the plane 

Was lucky had females seated on all flights i've pumped on.

7. Kota Bharu Airport surau 

Was there for a half-day meeting. Quite dim, and the plug point is placed in front of the saf. Go figure.

8. Kerteh Airport surau 

The flight back home are usually delayed, and i took opportunity to pump here. I'm pretty sure the guys on the other side of the curtain could hear, but i don't care. It's my baby we're talking about here...

9. In the car 

We were on the way to Sunway Pyramid for a movie date (Furious 7), and i knew i wouldn't enjoy it if engorgement hits. Also pumped on the way home from work, from KL Convention. I do not recommend this, since it's a safety hazard while driving.

10. Setia City Mall surau 

we were on a date, for our 3rd anniversary i think. Baby was 4 months old, and yeah, i took the bag out for that date :D We then purchased something for ourselves, and the salesgirl asked if it's for our hantaran. So sweet, i was carrying my pumping bag :D

11. Riverside Majestic Hotel, Kuching

Was there for a meeting, stayed there for a night. I think this was the first night I went away, and i couldn't sleep thinking how baby would react in the middle of the night. Husband told me she slept through the night, after one feeding.

12. Contractor office, Wisma HLA

The surau is quite deserted, had mosquitoes and ..i'm so glad i didn't have to go there again!

13. 3rd Party Contractor, Wisma Technip

Ok, at this point i'm amazed I still could remember all these places! Glad that i jot this down, so for the next journey it will serve as a motivation, for myself :D

Was here for a workshop. Went to the surau (which was cramped) to pump, and some of the ladies actually gave me a look. Had no idea. The weird thing about this surau is that it has a washing machine!! 

14. Bencoolen Hotel, Singapore

Was here for a night, just to see 50 Shades of Grey. To make it less horny-sounded, it was a birthday gift and i was with my husband. :D

15. Kuala Terengganu Airport surau

Was here for a meeting, and pumped shortly after arrival. Was a bit late to the meeting, but all's well. Later on that day, i couldn't get on the flight due to seating issue, and was put on the next flight -- 4 hours later. Two things that made it tolerable was that i was with a colleague, and bumped into a friend... and that MAS' ticketing office staff lent me storage space. Whew.

16. TGV Cinema, KLCC

Before u get ideas, no i wasn't playing hooky. I had an out of office meeting whole day, which finished early. So we went to see Focus, my friend and i. Since i wasn't keen to walk back to my office, i politely ask for the popcorn cashier's help :')

17. Nu Sentral surau

I had a workshop nearby, and as it finished around 3.00pm, i headed to this place to pump before catching a train home. Spacious and comfortable, much prefer to walk here then to endure KL Sentral's monitored surau (too many thieves there omg)

18. Meridien Sentral surau

I had few workshops and meetings here. GREAT FOOD by the way. Had to change lifts to get here, but it was comfortable.

19. PNB Darby Park surau

I was here for trainings. This is the only place i've been when i was pregnant and now, nursing. The walk to this place isn't comfortable as there are on going construction. The surau is kinda creepy, with staircases just out side of it.

20. Qarma Residence (formerly Paka Residence), Terengganu

I was here for a meeting. Like Maya, they converted a room to a surau. Not that comfy, but i try to make the best of what is provided i guess..

21. Subang Skypark surau

For those morning Kerteh flights that departs 6.30 am, i will be at the surau, pumping while hoping i won't miss the flight! They only fly twice a day.. 6.30 am and 5.30 pm. Smh.

So there you go.. i will add more if there is, but i think that's all of it. 21 places from airports, offices, hotels.. Few things to note, though:

• I bring my soap and sponge to ALL THESE PLACES
• I usually use Autumnz ice packs cos they last longer (14 hours for three packs) whenever i am out of office. But there was few times i forgot to pack these and brought Medela's instead (they last 4 hours max), so i gotta put on helpless-but-strong willed-mommy persona, and ask them if they could store my ice packs and milk bottles.. So far, none of the people i asked had rejected :')

Ta!

So what happened, then?

Was the question posed by my superior earlier this morning.

See, i came 1-hour-30-minutes earlier than i normally would for the past 1 year and few months, to the office.

One colleague, plus my superior, was surprised i was at my desk, with laptop switched on and all.. I had to hide my annoyance and muster a half smile:

"don't act all surprised.. i used to come much earlier than this"

Hence the question that followed.

I chose to let that one unanswered, but here i am, still agitated and not able to start on my work. Hoping very much i'll feel better once this post is published :)

The reason is pretty simple, but i really do not think my superior will understand.

I can't bare to see my baby cry when i leave for work. I'd rather see her still in her dreams. I'd choose to nurse her back to sleep, every single day, and mostly come in just in time, or be late 10 minutes.

What good would my day be like, if i'm haunted by hearing her cries the whole day. Even if later on that day she will have so much fun eating and playing.

Goodbye February

Welcome, March!

My favourite month went by pretty eventful. Almost every week I was having dessert, and on my birthday, I had

1. One Baskin Robbins cake (THANK YOU HUSBAND! I am really easy kan?)
2. One box of Royce chocs, courtesy of fellow pumping colleague. Honestly, i never thought this journey would enable me to make new friends.. great ones at that!
3. One box of chocs, also from a pumping colleague (had a sneaky reason why, but i'm not telling that here)
4. One tall takeaway Boost juice (from pumping mommy no.1)
5. One chocolate cake from my department (had one slice and gave it away...)

...yes that was pretty much my kinda February :D i seriously don't need new clothes/bag/shoes/jewellery..

oh hey, on the last post i mentioned briefly (really, brief?) about wanting to see 50 Shades. So, did i go?

WE SURE DID!

Whew.. we had some issues prior to that trip (passport issues for my nanny, Singapore cinemas didn't release any news/show times) that i really was ready to book a last minute flight to Bangkok and join my girl friends.

things we'd do for you Jamie....

Lo and behold, two days before my birthday, one cinema website published the show times and like a true lunatic/fan girl/obsessed/crazed fan i nearly hyperventilated.

That was another story, but to keep it short, yes, we saw on the first day!

...and i love the movie! 

oh wait, i actually wanted to talk about the soundtrack. But that'll come in the next post.

On work wise, of course things will continue to be uncontrollable. I mean, who am i kidding, i had a good ..wait, best birthday gift. For sure Allah will test me greatly.

Ok, till the next one!