Being thankful

It's way past my bedtime but i just feel like writing this down. I came across an ayat from Quran that sounds something like (excuse me, my bad) 'Even if you try to list all the things you're blessed with, you still couldn't name it all'.

Every single day i think of things i'm grateful of, whenever i walk from the LRT station to my car. Because i'm most likely real tired from that point, and i do try to keep my spirits up. Talking to myself, i know Allah SWT is listening that I, as a human full with flaws are trying bit by bit to be better. To one day stop complaining about how hard i think my life is, and focus more on what i'm blessed with. So here is the list:

  

1. I'm thankful for the great state of health Allah has blessed me and my family with.
2. I'm thankful because of #1, Allah has granted me a healthy pregnancy so far.
3. I'm thankful all my senses (hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, thinking) works just well.
4. I'm thankful Allah has granted me & husband stable careers with great benefits, despite challenges we face in our tasks daily. We've been able to buy houses (more to come soon Insya Allah), cars, provide some allocation for our families respectively, enjoy our pay with holidays and food.. and able to shop to our hearts' content for this baby.
5. I'm thankful Allah has fated me with my husband - most patient, funny, charming, special, loving :)
6. I'm thankful Allah tests me with hardships at work and life, so that i always remember to keep my feet firmly on the ground and remember nothing lasts forever.
7. I'm thankful i'm surrounded with great friends who are also very experienced in my line of work.
8. I'm thankful my loved ones and I are safe in our travels every single day
9. I'm thankful Allah has always reminded me to live life modestly. I do spend, yes, but i'm able to say those were my needs, not wants. 

Despite my weaknesses, Allah loves me and I'm thankful for each day. Sometimes i catch myself crying when i think about these, and how awful I am all these years. May Allah keep us all steadfast and in His remembrance. I know this Ramadhan shall be the beginning to a better me, insyAllah.

Closer to the end

..of Ramadhan, that is. I was on my way home from work yesterday, when i tuned into IKIM and the topic that was discussed was on the last 10 days. In this holy month, the remaining 10 days brings 1 night of blessings. 1 magical night, where it is quoted all your ibadahs in this night are similar to 1000 months of your life (83 years plus)!. The radio show invited an usrah group to talk about their efforts in staying up for these last 10 nights. While these are still fresh in my mind (Dr Fadzilah Kamsah says new brain input must be tested/rehearsed within 12 hours), i am going to jot down in points for my own recollection and deep thoughts.

• In 365 days of a year, Allah SWT only 'seek' us Muslim to 10 nights of qiam. And in these 10 hours of a night, only one third would be enough. That would be 3hours.
• This is the only month we've prayed and hoped for, for we believe in its goodness. So why not make the most of every second?
• We need to change our current mindset - from spending these nights at Jalan TAR for last minute Raya prep, to get good rest so that we can wake up for qiam. One of the usrah members shared how she would push 'worldly activities' to the day. That seems doable, doesn't it?
• Most mosques organizing qiams would provide sahur as well, so there's no need to bring your own dishes. And i know mosque food never disappoints!
• Lailatul Qadr is the night where all your ibadah counts the most - it could be Quran recital, zikir and of course the solat sunat (hajat, taubat, etc)

 I thought of my parents, who in my single years, would left sahur food (and us three alone) to join the qiam. I wished i could rewind to these years, and join them as well. May Allah grant us the strength to fight off the devil's temptation and stay up for a bit, in this last week. Amin.

Being hormonal

They say you can get away with most of things when you are pregnant... I say i couldn't agree more, because at the rate this baby is growing, i'm off the hook for so many things!

One thing i truly enjoy (apart from all the don'ts - heavy lifting, eat pineapple, excessive exercising) is how accommodative my family are, to my teringin. Alhamdulillah this baby of mine is pretty much simple like her mom.. as of now, I have not crave for Wagyu or Kobe or Filet Mignon yet. Most of the time, i would have rice and rice only for meals. Of course, to go along with it there would be requests for ayam kicap (my ultimate fav), sambal sotong/udang and other simple Malay dishes. Told ya i'm that simple to please.

Of course, there are still items yet to be checked such as chilli crab, sotong goreng tepung  and Mi Udang Kuala Sepetang (i know they've a branch in Wangsa Maju!) but then again, i'm thankful i'm not that insistent. Like still negotiable for other dishes.. And yes, my cravings so far doesn't require hubs to wake up in the middle of the night finding food for me. Thank goodness.

But in comparison with all these little joys of life, there comes a major con. Well, i deem it major only on days when i'm already late for work and traffic isn't sympathizing.

It's the hormones. Specifically, my emotional level, soaring high like an eagle and dips low like some deep sea fishes in an instant. I don't know if it's only me, (but i think at times i do not wish to know?) or every other pregnant ladies embrace this hormones with barbed wires.

It ranges from crying to a Coldplay song (for you i bleed myself dry), to no-nonsense attitude, to taking people's response / words the wrong way. Sometimes i'm proud to be hormonal (refer to songs), sometimes i'm mad at myself for allowing what others think to affect me that much. 

I won't go into specifics, (but of course) but all i will say is that i'm very very thankful Allah has blessed me with an awesome husband :) He is one of the few very patient men i've ever known in my life, and this trait has ease my "troubles" greatly. He may not fetch me a huge dish of chilli crab every time i'm done sobbing, but he has his ways that always makes me go "Alhamdulillah for this man".

With only 3 months to go InsyaAllah, i can only imagine what sort of emotional rollercoaster rides has my name written on it. I sure hope and doa he has booked the seats next to mine.