In a nutshell

Okay, so i think i have some time on my hands so i shall blog quick before little bub wakes up!

This year shall end in less than 12 hours, according to Gregorian calendar anyway. It has passed so quick, i really could say some events felt like yesterday! Let's see if i can remember major happenings this year..

January: i made vows to make 2013 my last shot in being strong willed, workwise. See, 2012 especially towards the end was such a let down! Myself and my close buddy, we made plans to do more.

February: my birthday month! Last year being 20s.. We celebrated with nice lunch and picked an oven as my present at OU. Simply because we haven't been there quite a while. This month i travelled to Miri, and marks the last trip of the year!

March: we found out i'm pregnant.. Best thing ever happened this year, syukur!

April: my performance rating was out... And i was devastated, to the point i kept the hurt inside because i didn't want to let it affect the pregnancy. Bonus was spent merrily, bought my first Coach (i know, totally not a big deal..)

May: slipped and fell upon leaving toilet. Was worried sick but alhamdulillah.

June: first appointment with gynae. Happy to confirm baby is safe and healthy

July: did detailed scan, found out it's a SHE!

August: husband away for overseas assignment. Loathe it. But what can i do?

September: refer to above

October: hmmm oh, husband's birthday!! I baked cuppies and made mihun soto! Two firsts and succeeded yeayy

November: started my much awaited long leave..for the birth of Raihanna :) our precious gift, saham akhirat insya Allah.

December: confinement phase..

So there you go... The birth of our daughter has got me thinking of so many things. Of how i want to be better in all of my roles here on Earth. I do not wish to share all our goals here, but one of it has been fulfilled. Allahuakbar, thank You.

Now, let me share some easy goals for 2014:
1) drink 2.6litre
2) more veggies
3) less sweet things
4) take care of skin
5) smile

Oh i have 13kgs to lose.. Will i succeed??

The birth story - finale

I remembered telling myself 'this is it! Today insya Allah!' as I was wheeled into some sort of waiting room. I have been in that room before, when i had to go for D&C last year, so i knew what to expect.. The nurses would say hi, triple confirm that i haven't stuff myself with anything since mid last night and leave me shivering there.

Last year it was about expelling the failed product of conception, and this year Alhamdulillah a breathing, human being i have carried full term will be taken out. Still i couldn't shake the nervousness. If last year an anaesthetist would approach me with consent form for GA (general anaesthesia- that's pengsan whole body), this time i had signed for spinal block. An injection to block out sensation from waist below. Obviously i was scared shitless of the administration being unsuccessful.

But really, not like i have a choice :)

I think i waited around 10mins there before another staff took me away. This time i was transferred to another bed, much higher that i couldn't see the floor. When i got to the OT, i saw the room has windows with views of the city.. Only for a few minutes though, before the shades were being drawn.

They transferred me to the operating table, and started to set me up. Heart monitor, blood pressure, pulse monitor, things just got real. I was starting to feel miserable at this point and kept asking when will my husband be joining. At the same time, i try to keep the little one calm.

The anaesthetist came in. Oh no moment.  We chatted a bit before she started doing her thing. It was the longest minutes ever, i felt, because like i said earlier i was dreading it. I  wish to skip the details, but i will say this though - that point of time, i was more than happy with just one child. And soon as her job was done, i feel like screaming 'finally!' And get up and run around the OT.

Only i couldn't. With so many things strapped on, in addition to that, i wish so hard the spinal block works quickly. It did, and i could breathe (and think) normally. I was helped to lay down again and that signals i'm this close to meet Allah's creation.

I remember looking at the clock once throughout the operation. I kept glancing to my left and right - waiting my husband to come in, looking at my own pulse reading, trying to count how many staff was in there who saw this fat pregnant lady being cut up.. I chatted a bit with my gynae to ease my tension - suddenly i recalled a close friend asking about her famous clients / patients - our local actresses.

I figured she would ease up as well - obviously i wasn't thinking straight cos who on earth would go easy breezy during operation? So she just replied 'sorry dear, that's P&C'

Oh well, at least i tried!

Husband came in around this time, and i actually teared up a little while i smiled at him. It was his first time too, but as usual he looks composed. Moments later, i heard the doctor called him.

'Oh, she's huge!' - gynae
'Is her skin tone supposed to look like that' - husband

I was like 'what colour?!' for a few seconds before i heard the most beautiful cry. I remembered thinking, that's her? That's my baby? That's OUR baby?' It feels surreal, still feels the same even as i steal sideway glance at her sleeping peacefully next to me now.

I remembered crying as well, (and sobbing too) when i heard her cries. She was brought to me minutes later, and yes, i felt strange and overwhelmed.

40 weeks and 2 days, Alhamdulillah, Allah made me a first time mom, and my husband a new dad around 9.15am to a beautiful, healthy baby girl on 25/11/2013. Our highlight of 2013, the one we've imagined about in our years of being together.

She weighs a whopping 3.96kg, much to my surprise. There's a funny story to this, actually. During our last appointment pre-delivery, i joked with my gynae by speaking to my tummy 'you better be worth it, girl.. I'll be embarrassed if i had to be cut up open and you turn out 3.2' .. My gynae obviously giggled because she had told me earlier third trimester scans may be inaccurate.

So just moments after she finished whatever needed to be done, she said to me 'Good decision, idayu!'. Later on she disclosed she personally called Nursery to find out how much Raihanna weighs. Hahaha. She even gave me thumbs up few times.

I was wheeled out of OT and spent some time in recovery ward. I recalled crying a bit cos i already missed my daughter. Plus i was shivering madly.

When i was brought back to the ward, it took minutes before my family reconvened. Even longer was my baby, whom i understood they ran some tests and cleaned her nicely. I saw her briefly in the OT, so i was pleasantly surprised when the nurse brought her in.

Fluffy, big sized, full of hair...and loudly screaming :) she latched on immediately, alhamdulillah! It felt strange, amazing and nerve wrecking all at once. They say the pain will go away once you see your newborn... In my case, that is true. With the help of 24hour painkiller :)

So there you go, the birth story of our first child :) we are now parents, Alhamdulillah.

The birth story - part two

..so Monday, 8.30 am it is.
Things just moved fast then.. Her staff made a call to the OT, i then signed few forms relating to the procedure and that was that.

It just goes to show how mighty Allah's will is. In a split second, we found the answer to our prayers and questions. I was overwhelmed by it all, in one moment i was happy and excited the date is now most confirmed but the next moment i was almost in tears. Monday also means hubs is entitled to 3 days paternal leave!

I asked her if anything i did (or could've) would've brought us to that decision. I mean, i walked A LOT during this pregnancy, we bought the bouncing ball.. Wouldn't these help?

"Those would be useful for muscles and ligaments.. We're talking about bones here, which could not be flexed at all".

I remember the nurse asking if i had taken too many sweet things, icy drinks..of which could led to a baby this big. Wallahualam whether that was true, but yes i craved cupcake every week in 7-8 months. While the non-pregnant me would not blink twice at the sight of cupcake!

I was told to check in on Sunday by 8.00 pm. Following the check up, husband and I had some nasi arab at Hadramawt, the same restaurant (different branch tho) we went after our first appointment with Dr Seri. Coincidence huh.

We spent the weekend back in Shah Alam, reading up on post operation care and trying to relax.

Sunday night

We checked in slightly after 8.00 pm. More signatures required during admission, and then off we head to the ward. It was my first time of all sorts - first operation, spending time in hospital.. I was more than happy hubs was by my side at all times..

The room is cosy, overlooks my office (ok ok, the magnificent KLCC) and expensive well lit condominiums. It almost feels like hotel stay, except for the bed. Shortly after few nurses came to perform standard procedures including the CTG. I was in the midst of dinner (luckily we brought some rice from home, as Coffee Bean and everything had closed by that time) so i had to cut the meal short.

Alhamdulillah CTG results were good. We spent the night taking some pics (last few as being  party of two) and of course, longer time on the praying mat. I kept saying 'i can't believe we're about to meet her!' . Due to the operation, i was supposed to fast after 12.00am. With each passing hour, to get a good sleep seemed impossible. My husband was the opposite case, obviously tired of running around settling everything (and his wife) slept soundly on the sofa bed.

I had read up a bit on the procedure so i kinda knew what to expect.. Empty the bowel, take the shot, put on urine bag, cold naked chicken cut up... And baby comes out. But still there were so much i couldn't anticipate.. Namely the pain.

Monday morning

I was scheduled to be in the OT around 8.30 hence the nurses had advised me they will come at 6.00am for more procedures. Boy they aren't kidding about time! I woke up around 5.30 and quickly showered, knowing very well it'll take some time before i can have that good quality shower again.

Around 7 am i texted my parents, seeking their forgiveness if anything goes wrong later. Little did i know they were gonna come and wait out for us. At 8.00 am, a friend called me and asked if i had given birth. I couldn't explain the whole story to her as OT people were ready to wheel me off, so i only said i'm in the hospital and will call up later.

All these while i wondered if anybody ever saw any patient being wheeled off throughout the classy floors of PCMC. Well i got the answer all right, some visitors did saw me lying helplessly on the hospital bed.

It was time to head to Level 2, operation theatre.

The birth story of Raihanna - Part 1

The Birth Story - Part One

Alhamdulillah, with all His Might and Mercy, our first born has arrived safely.. and i'm recuperating nicely (i hope).

I've dreamt about writing this story for so long, at each time i didn't know what it would feel like. Happy and joyous, for sure.. But now that she's here, there's no other word to describe Allah's gift other than a blessing. Truly is.

It started on Friday, 22/11. My estimated due date for popping her out. Weeks leading to this date was full with anxiety, which date and when being the main concern. Being first time would be parents, we wondered and waited for any sign at all.. Be it lower back ache or contraction..we are ready.

Or so we thought.

I have to admit, i was pretty scared she would pass her due date and bring us to induction. I have heard and read too much to even want to think i had to be induced. Logically, anything forced doesn't feel good, isn't it? So i prayed i would give birth earlier - a day, a week, 2 weeks... Any date is better than surpassing that 22nd.

But.

But who are we to determine such things.. I had that sneaky feeling come Thursday morning. That feeling which told me i now have to face induction, since my contractions were not regular. Yes, i felt the pains alright... Just somehow it subsided before i can spell regular.

So the much awaited Friday came. I was heavily pregnant, with water retention so bad my legs actually look shiny for the skin was stretched! Off we went to see my gynae, who had earlier issued pre-admission letter from past 2 weeks! Yeah i was expected to deliver early but up to that fateful day, baby was sitting snugly inside.

Few minutes after sitting down, my gynae told us the possibility of induction is very high since she would not let the pregnancy extend more than a week. I was already 40 weeks on Friday, and the further the pregnancy goes, additional risks can be expected. She did say we would have to come to PCMC daily for CTG if we were to wait it out. It wasn't a good news, but i have foresee it thus slowly i started to nod.

We then proceeded with a lie down, this time with a vaginal examination - the infamous poking to see how much a labour is progressing, cervix dilation etc. It was my first, and oh boy.. Was that a finger or a knife?!

She began the sentence with a tone that took the birth process a different route.

"Your pelvic outlet is too tight"

I was clueless so she then googled a pelvic bone model. In layman terms, she simply said the baby would not be able to pass the canal. There and then.. It doesn't take much for me to put two and two together, that i'd have to be operated.

My heart sank.

She continued by saying there were 3 factors pointing towards a risky vaginal birth, should i so wish it: my bones structure, the baby size and the fact that i'm overdue. Oh yes, on that day we found out the baby has grown off the charts.. Estimated to be 4.1kg! She said we can try induction, but yes the process would be long and stressful. I know that will not be good, and that wasn't what i want for the firstborn.

I had tears in my eyes as i nodded to proceed with c-section. It was overwhelming, to learn about my bones, the baby size (i couldn't believe she could grow that chubby) and to quickly adapt and get used to the operation plan.

"So which day would you like? How about Monday?"