This could be it

It has been good 3 months since i first wrote, which meant i wasted 1 quarter not sharing anything informative and beneficial to mankind.

CEWAH.

Where did the months go? I have no idea.

Okay, i do. I was busy alright. Busy with... resting. Whenever i'm not sleeping, i would be resting. In between that, i would be trying to sleep. I wasn't climbing mountains or snorkelling in tropical waters like most of my friends' photos in FB and Instagram, yet my energy waned as though i just returned from daily kickboxing training.

Wow, so productive right?

Indeed! You can't really tell from the outside, but on the inside.. multiple and simultaneous activities are in active growing mode. Although the credit really goes to Allah the Almighty, without Allah nothing could be possible, how ever we try and struggle to.

But first, let me just say my husband and I, we were planning for so many things to work on this year. Our cute home needs sprucing and additional furnitures, our annual hard-earned holidays, career movement and advancement.. when really, Allah knows most and better. Everything just halted the moment we found out... i'm pregnant.

Yes, Alhamdulillah for Allah's growing blessing right now in my tummy.

15 ++ weeks. Alhamdulillah.

Let's start with the how. Not that how, but how we found out.

It was interesting, actually. I was at a hotel banquet room, for a work-related meeting. I had two servings of fried noodles that morning, which i thought was unusual considering i actually hated the food that hotel served in all of my years attending meetings there. Perhaps they changed chef, i thought. But it was so delicious, i even posted the photo on Instagram. My friends in the same meeting agreed.. not quite sure if they too Insta'ed it.

The thing about my workplace is, whenever you go for meetings and trainings, you will never experience hunger. Since i signed up on the first day orientation here, 6 meals per day on workdays are normal. Nobody i knew lost weight in their first year joining this company, hehe. It's amazing how we were all fit for offshore! Heck they serve even more meals there!

Anyway, morning break came around 10-11 am, and sure enough, there was i, standing to get some fruits and pastries (to somehow balance my carbs overload earlier). When suddenly, my coach came up to me and said

"So.. how far along are you?"

*thunders*

*plates crashing*

I turned and looked at her and back to glancing my tummy. I was wearing pleated top, there was no way i could be spotting a huge belly after 2 plates of meehoon!!

"I..uh.. i don't know. Do i look pregnant? I had  a heavy breakfast, you know"  while continuing to scoop whatever fruit and masking my red face.

"Dear, you are so pregnant. I took one look at you and i know"

"But.. but, in what way do i have that look?"

"You should take a test, you know. It's either that, or you've put on more pounds"

Somehow that stopped me. Not because i felt insulted for the latter, but i didn't think of the former. 

I spent the rest of day going through the meeting just fine, but not without over-analyzing what i ate yesterday, last week, last month.. plus what i did last week, last month.. anything that could harm my possible precious cargo inside. If indeed i was expecting.. wow.. wouldn't that be such a joy to begin this year?

I caught myself rubbing my tummy few times that day, and i suddenly became more conscious of how i walk, what i put on my plate, my movements.. but most importantly, i remember asking of Allah's forgiveness if indeed i was being careless.

The thing about miscarriages is, the next time you realize you could have the slightest chance you are pregnant, you would always need assurances and reassurances. Every day, every second. In my case, i think i was trying very hard not to lose it. And mind you, at that point of the week (and that was middle of the week) we haven't took the test yet. I drove home slowly, thinking of how to tell my husband let's just take the test because my coach tells me to.

Completely forgetting i was couple of days late. But that fateful day, was the start to this wonderful journey. Well, technically it began way before that day, but i meant.. finding out then to where we are and when the arrival would be. 

I really feel i should document this, so that i'll have something to remember by once November comes. InsyaAllah, s/he is due in November. May Allah bless this baby with iman, great health mentally and physically. Amin.